The Senate Shouting Match: When Governance Becomes Gutter Talk 

The Senate Shouting Match: When Governance Becomes Gutter Talk 

By *Bati Noface*  

Once upon a time, in a country where lawmakers sometimes forget that their job is to make laws and not to engage in verbal wrestling matches, a spectacle unfolded. It wasn’t a policy debate, nor was it a legislative masterclass—it was a full-blown shouting contest starring former Education Minister Oby Ezekwesili and Senator Onyekachi Nwaebonyi of Ebonyi North.  

Now, you’d think that a Senate hearing would be a place for well-reasoned arguments, intellectual engagement, and, dare I say, a hint of decorum. But no, ladies and gentlemen, what we got instead was a scene that would make even the most hardened Lagos bus conductor shake his head in disappointment.  

## *ACT I: Enter the Gladiators*  

The setting was a Senate Committee hearing, convened to address a petition by suspended Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan against Senate President Godswill Akpabio. But instead of meaningful discourse, the hearing quickly turned into a verbal wrestling match, complete with insults, grandstanding, and the kind of noise pollution that should require an environmental impact assessment.  

Ezekwesili, armed with her signature no-nonsense attitude, asked Senator Nwaebonyi to “shut up” and “compose yourself.” A reasonable request? Perhaps. But let’s remember, this is Nigerian politics, where asking for order is like trying to teach a goat ballet—it’s simply not in their nature.  

## *ACT II: Senator Nwaebonyi Takes Off the Gloves*  

Now, one might expect a senator to respond with the poise and dignity of an elected representative. Instead, Nwaebonyi, seemingly mistaking the Senate chamber for a beer-parlour argument, fired back with:  

*”You are a fool!”*  

Yes, dear reader. A sitting senator, in a formal hearing, responding to a former minister, with the grace of a roadside heckler. But he wasn’t done yet. For added effect, he threw in:  

*”You are an insult to womanhood!”*  

Ah, the irony. A man publicly disgracing himself thinks he’s the authority on what does or does not constitute an “insult to womanhood.” At this point, the ancestors of Nigerian democracy must have turned in their graves, muttering, *”Is this what we fought for?”*  

## *ACT III: The Aftermath and the Apology That Wasn’t*  

Naturally, after the circus act went viral, there was public outrage. But did Nwaebonyi apologize? Not exactly. His response was more of a *”Well, I could have phrased it better, but I stand by my nonsense.”*  

He admitted that perhaps calling a former minister a “fool” wasn’t the best choice of words, adding that Ezekwesili was *”old enough to be my mother.”* This was meant to show remorse, but let’s be honest—it mostly sounded like he regretted using *those* words rather than regretting the disgraceful conduct itself.  

Meanwhile, Akpoti-Uduaghan, whose petition was the supposed reason for this entire hearing, had to step in and apologize to Ezekwesili. Yes, the woman who was *not* involved in the fight had to apologize for those who were. Nigeria, we hail thee!  

## *ACT IV: What This Says About Our Politics*  

Now, we could laugh at this Senate drama. And to be honest, it *is* hilarious. But beneath the absurdity lies a more serious question: *Is this the best we can do?*  

If senators can’t conduct themselves with basic decency in a formal setting, how can we trust them to lead on real issues? If our lawmakers see insults as political tools, rather than ideas and policies, what hope is there for meaningful governance?  

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But of course, this is Nigeria. Where the government that should be fighting insecurity is instead fighting each other. Where decorum is optional, but drama is compulsory. Where lawmakers act like WWE wrestlers, and we, the citizens, are the unfortunate audience forced to watch this never-ending reality show.  

So, as we reflect on this disgraceful episode, let’s remember one thing: The next time we go to the polls, we might want to vote for people who know how to argue like adults—not like street brawlers with microphones.  

Until then, welcome to the Nigerian Senate—where the laws are optional, but the insults are always free.